Ask Mr. Marketing: An ode to marketing

To celebrate my fifth anniversary writing this column, and honoring Bad Poetry Week, I submit this entry to the Worst Poem of the Day contest:

Each day I talk to people who say “Marketing? Oh, what to do?”

They hold their heads, they weep and wail. Do all themselves and often fail.

For me, well marketing’s a joy. I’m really such a happy boy.

For thirty years I’ve loved this job. The folks I’ve helped? It’s QUITE a mob!

I think of how I lend a hand to help my clients build their brand.

I have much fun and hence, success (one makes the other, I would guess)

So shall we talk about your branding? Make sure sales with you are landing?

Take a minute. Think this through. Maybe this will all help you.

You should work with just one theme. Send out mailings by the ream.

Have a website, user-friendly. Designs and copy? Very trend’ly.

Touch each prospect seven times with phone calls, emails, letters, rhymes.

Facebook, Google, and a blog. Customer memories you should jog.

Make them happy. Make them coo. Make them glad they bought from you.

Make them think and say out loud, “This guy stands out of the crowd.”

Send out coupons and newsletters so non-buyers are regretters

When they see your latest caper on TV or in the paper.

Run a sweepstakes or a game (think it out so it’s not lame)

Do your planning for the year and work on paper (not by ear)

Bring in pros for words and pix

Show folks they will get their kicks

From your stuff and at your place

Make them glad to see your face.

Do a survey, ask buyers where they heard of you (yes, you should care)

Track your sales by hours and days. Ask everyone to sing your praise.

Public talk’s a worthy thing; it rarely works to try and wing it.

Network at groups large and small. Make your name be known to all.

If you focus, think it through, I can largely promise you

will increase sales and grow your biz. ‘cause branding’s where the money is.

Now with your love of poetry past

Go read the Sports page. Have a blast!

Mr. Marketing is a man who’s attitude is “yes you can.”

His strategies? Well, they’re the bomb! You’ll find him at askmrmarketing dot com.